Well this comes as quite the surprise to me. And what a better time than with Valentine’s Day looming ahead. I honestly didn’t think it was possible… And who knows I am probably just crazy to even think it..
I have fallen for my best friend and business partner. I have known him for five years. We went to school together, started a business together. He has been there for me through my hardships and my happiest days. But I didn’t think I would fall for him.
Honestly, in school I had such a thing for him. He was always the bad boy. Late to class, usually hungover, lived for the nightlife. But now, he is starting to settle down, we are finding out things about one another we didn’t know before, we have more common ground. And that makes him even more attractive than his bad boy vibes.
Not only all of that, but he is the only guy I 100% trust with every cell of my being. Is that a bad thing though? Am I just too afraid to trust someone else? No. I am afraid of everything. Afraid to love him. Afraid to make a move. Afraid of being afraid. Afraid of missing out on what could be.
Its so strange. I have always been attracted to him, always loved him as a friend. Why now? I keep making up excuses. I am tired of being alone. We are around each other a lot, so it was bound to happen. I haven’t had sex in over two years, so maybe thats it. I know better though. I feel something and I think he does too. But I am starting to overhink everything and I am getting worried that somehow I am making all of this up in my head because I want him.
I ache for him. Physically and emotionally. But most of all. I can see myself marrying him. Having kids. Fostering kids. Traveling. We bring out the best in each other. He helps keep me grounded. Keeps me calm. Shows me how to let loose and just have some fun. I keep him out of trouble. Help him, help others. Encourage him.
Every time I am near him I want to be closer. When I am away from him, I cannot stop thinking about him.. Its like an addiction. I got to feed my addiction the past couple of days. It started with a couple of drinks and I never, ever, ever drink. So, a couple of drinks was too many. But it was an excuse to be physically closer to him. To hold onto his arm in the car. Hanging out the next day. Sitting close on the couch typing up emails and listening to records. Getting lunch together.
Yeah, all seems innocent enough. But I am starting to hang on to the little things he says and does. “I had to ride my bike after I dropped you off last night, to clear my head.” “You are the only person I go out to eat with.” “You were cute last night.” Him playing love songs around me.
Maybe its not what it seems. Maybe its all just a coincidence. And if it ends up that I was just feeding into everything, that’s fine with me. Why? Because he made me believe that I can fall in love again. And I have.