Well I did it. I broke my silence. We were sitting there working on emails, contacts, signing up for events and other stuff for our business. I was oddly very hot. I mean my body felt scorching to the touch. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I would go to the bathroom and see that my face would be flushed. My chest hurt.. I wanted to talk to him. Maybe I wanted to tell him so badly that I couldn’t contain it anymore. So my body was letting me know. I never felt like that before. And just thinking about it makes my face flush.
We eventually stopped working and started talking about relationships and how nothing seems to work for us in that department. And then I asked him… Well, what about me?
He started laughing and I told him I had the biggest crush on him in school. He said I was good at hiding it. Me: I was engaged at the time and he was dating someone! I said, I have always been attracted to him. He said, he was very flattered and he never thought about us dating before. He said, he didn’t think I was into black guys. I told him I have never dated a black guy, but why does it matter? I hate when people have preferences or say they don’t date a certain race. I told him about how he was this bad boy. Always getting to school late, dating a bunch of people and hungover. He laughed again and said, no one has ever called me a bad boy. A party boy yes, but never a bad boy. He laughed some more and then said, even knowing about all the girls I have been with?
Then, I got deep with him. I said we bring out the good in eachother. Just look at what we are doing. You are different around me and you treat me differently than your friends. We bring the best out in eachother. And then I said, It’s like we are going in circles around eachother, dating the wrong people and we are standing right in front of one another.
We sat there, quite. I apologized for getting deep and he said, no no. And then I said I hope I didn’t freak him out, but he said it takes alot to freak him out. Then he said, I love you and I said, I love you too. Then he said it again. He said, you know I love you and he looked at me very sweetly. I looked down and away and I said I know, I love you too. And we just sat there. It wasn’t weird or anything. I didn’t feel like anything changed in a bad way or anything. We just sat there until one of us started talking again. When we started talking, it was about stuff we want to do this year.
It was nice, especially getting how I was feeling out into the open. I know he really wants to get to his happy place and get more settled before he has something serious. If it doesn’t happen between us, I just want us both happy. We both love each other and will be friends for probably the rest of our lives, so I am good with that.
It would be nice to have a partner in life, though. I told him he is the only guy I trust. I cant imagine letting anyone else into my life. If he and I don’t end up together then I probably wont get with anyone. So we will see what will happen. I am not going to push him, or pry. I am going to wait and see what happens. Let things play out as they come. I have alot of other things to distract me right now, so that helps. But I do think of him all the time, and my romance side hopes he wants to be with me too.