I have been pursuing my best friend lately. I haven’t been doing anything crazy. Just making sure he knows I am interested. Well today I friend zoned myself. Here is what I sent him…

My luv. I want to apologize for acting stupidly around you. My comments about us dating and me being pushy in anyway are terrible. I don’t ever want to make you feel uncomfortable or as if you can’t be around me. I love you so much, and I can’t make you want to be with me in some other way if that’s not what is meant to be. Me being forward with you is just my way of telling you that I see you differently and that I see you as something more than what all those other girls see you. I want you to be happy. Whatever it is that makes you happy will make me happy. I will love you always, more than you will ever know. I can’t see my life without you in it, and I won’t jeopardize our friendship by acting crazy. I won’t bring this up again and I won’t try to cross the friend zone. You are probably reading this oblivious to me acting in such ways. But my heart has been heavy with all of this and I want to always be open with you. Even if that means showing a bit of my insanity. 🙃
His response was simple. 

Don’t you worry your pretty head lol it’s all good 😊

Here I am friend zoned. It hurts. But nothing can hurt more than him not being in my life. So I will learn to be okay. I will move past this like I always do. I am closing the relationship book, not wanting to reopen it. Maybe one day I will. But I really don’t want too.. No matter how badly I want love, no matter how much I love love, no matter how much I long for a partnership.. My heart is closed to it all now. My last attempt at love, has fallen through. My walls are up and I cant imagine anyone being able to bring them down. Maybe I am missing out, but at least I will always have my bestie.

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